Sex With Marnie 2: The Hand Job
A detailed account of this manually stimulating exercise. Part 2 in a series of 3.
by MARNIE PARRELL
PEOPLE, 05/18/98: HOW TO What’s to not love about a hand job? Satisfying yet not too filling, the handjob is a deliciously erotic way to stimulate and arouse prior to intercourse or a means to its own orgasmic end. It’s a simple friendly gesture that doesn’t promise any future commitment. Think of it as a handshake with lube.
And lube is the key, ‘cuz nothing spoils the mood like friction burn. Most drug stores carry an assortment of traditional lubricants like K-Y which will provide the necessary slick and slippery surface. However, as far as taste and smell go they lose in a big way. Look for stores that specialize in erotic aids for a mouth watering, palm tingling array of tasty, luscious lubes. If your handjob is a precursor to intercourse ensure that your lube is water-based and not petroleum unless you really want your condom to dissolve.
With increased sexual arousal, women produce their own lube so you may want to start with just enough on your finger tips to allow for initial contact. (for a more in depth discussion of male and female genitalia see: Sex with Marnie 1, Equipment) Also, as some men find it difficult to differentiate between vaginal wetness of early arousal and the full slippery wetness of xxxtreme arousal this seems like the perfect opportunity for a little look and learn. Most women prefer a soft, feathery touch to start and enjoy full body caresses and stimulation before you head south.
Try, gently yet firmly running your hands along her face and head, through her hair and down her back. Anything else you want to touch is between the two of ya. If she is still wearing her pants be very careful not to pinch the tender labia and some lubed finger tips would certainly be appreciated. Take your time. Ask. Stroke and tickle the labia and the area around the vagina including the perineum. Ever so gently, checking for lube, insert the tip of your finger into her vagina, then gently work your way up to her clitoris. Her lips are very sensitive and appreciate a gentle tickle. Remember to replenish the lube when needed.
Gently feel around the clitoris and its covering lips, hold them between your finger and thumb, delicately pinch, tease and caress this area. Experiment with pressure and stroke-speed changing finger position in a counter- or clock-wise fashion until you’ve found a combination she prefers. For women consistency is key as female sexual tension tends to build and too many starts and stops without a consistent groove will make it very difficult for her to relax and enjoy. Try applying 10-20 strokes in a stimulating yet dependable, rhythmic pattern then slow or change to another pattern and start again. You can also trace an imaginary alphabet on her clitoris. Too intense prolonged pressure on the clitoris will make it numb and insensitive; guess why you don’t want that to happen.
As vaginal secretions increase you can gently insert a finger for quick access to more lube. As she approaches orgasm she may enjoy a finger in her vagina (remember not pounding away but think gentle consistent stimulation) or a palm pressed against her vagina or perineum. As you get more confident vary your technique. Use different fingers or your thumb. Use pressure from your palm to stimulate her clitoris or caress her lips, try tickling her anus and inner thighs just below her vagina.
Men produce a bit of lube but closer to ejaculation so a generous dollop of lube smoothed over the palm and fingers will be much appreciated. Keep the lube handy as you will need to replenish your supplies. If his penis is flaccid or limp when you start then begin by gently stroking the penis and scrotum as well as squeezing and releasing the shaft. If he is erect, and trapped in his pants, ask for his help (trust me, he’s handled his erect penis before). Some women are very cautious handling a man’s penis but they are quite sturdy. I’ve yet to have one snap off.
There are two ways to excite the penis 1) Friction 2) Compression. Friction is generated by rubbing up and down. Compression is created by holding the penis and rhythmically squeezing and releasing. Combine the two and you have the basis of the standard up and down handjob. With a well-lubed hand grasp his erect penis gently but firmly, you don’t want to squish it but you want it to know who’s boss. Try grip variations like pointing your thumb down.
To reach orgasm most men need a firm consistent up and down stroking that gets faster and firmer as he nears ejaculation. In the milliseconds after he cums he will want the pressure and speed greatly reduced. Depending on your comfort level you may want to determine beforehand what to do with his semen. His underwear, bedclothes, t-shirt will do as a hankie.
As your skill and comfort levels increase you may wish to add new moves to your repertoire like the clutch, over the top, the squeeze and the spider, all of which are done well lubed.
- Over the top: start with the basic up and down motion. When you go up slide your lubed hand over the head, and down the other side.
- The clutch: grasp his erect penis with your well lubed hand. Use a back and forth wrist movement to swivel your hand sideways around his penis. Check the pressure of your grip to avoid pinching or pulling the skin.
- The squeeze is just that up and down with a squeeze around that sensitive head at the top.
- The spider: bring your well lubed fingers together so that all pads are resting on the pad of your thumb. Place the tips of your fingers and thumb on the head of his penis. and slowly open your fingers as you apply gently pressure allowing the head to open your hand as you press down until your palm is resting on the head. Pull your fingers up caressing his penis. As with all the other techniques, repeat.
Most men want firm pressure on their penis where women tend to prefer a lighter touch, as a result each can wind up giving the pressure they wish to receive instead of attending to what is needed by their partner. Sexual confidence comes with practice and knowing what you want can help you get it. So, what I am saying is practice even if you are all alone. If god hadn’t meant us to, she would have made our arms shorter.
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